is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
