She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
