I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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