apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
