On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
