I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My feet surprised me
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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