Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
