Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
