I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
