the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
