i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
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