this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
