i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
