idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
