I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
