Your mouth is God's brothel.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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