I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
