cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
