Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
this just has baby written all over it
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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