I haven't been this sober since birth.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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