K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
