Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
