Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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