I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
