How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize