You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize