like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
