Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
