I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i think i just lost a toe
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
