i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
