There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
