I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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