Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
