woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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