I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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