Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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