he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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