I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
