slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
