We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize