I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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