Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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