I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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