Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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