i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
