Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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