another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you had me at cake vodka
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize