The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
