At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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