Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
