God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
