Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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