Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
