we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
