I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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