um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
