Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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