Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize