last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
