He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize