ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Someone signed my nipple.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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