Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
