dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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