this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
