he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
