I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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