who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
porn star boner night. come get it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
