You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
