Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i out mim tonsoeep
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