remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
