im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
