ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
