Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
