i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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