One girl and one boy is just not enough.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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