yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
