happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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